Power. Respect. Recognition. Achievement. The things a man wants.
I recently sat with a man who had accomplished all of these, and more. He had built the business, achieved the dream, grown the family, and lived a good life. And yet in his age, he was losing his ability to move and be independent. Seeing this, I began to wonder, is there more?
Hearing him describe his own search for meaning amidst the difficulty of advancing age and medical conditions that resulted in a loss of independence (and increased dependence on others) made me think of Psalm 119. In the verses I had read and prayed that same morning, an emerging theme became clear: dependence.
Prayer and dependence, to me, should go hand in hand. But as a fiercely independent man, this mixture can fight against my very nature.
And so I wondered, how can my dependence, in prayer, deepen?
As I read through the verses in Psalm 119:25–50, two words kept coming to my mind: help me.
These words coming out of the words of a man who was unashamed of his dependence on his Creator, on the God who sustained him in the hardest times. A man who recognized his need for something more.
I want to share my written prayer from reflections on Psalm 119, and ask you the question today: what are you depending on?
A Prayer, From Psalm 119
Help me to keep your decrees, Lord.
Help me to obey your instructions.
Help me to put them into practice, with all my heart.
Help me walk along your path.
Help me to have an eagerness for your ways and laws.
Help me turn from worthless things, to those that really matter.
Help me be reassured of your promises.
Help me to abandon shameful ways.
Help me to obey your commands.
Help me to understand their meaning.
Lord, encourage me with your word.
Give me your unfailing love and the salvation you promised me.
Keep me from lying to myself.
Don’t let me be put to shame.
Remember your promises to me—they are my only hope.
Renew my life with your goodness.
I pray, today. Amen.
What are you depending on? Is it your own strength? Your image? Your reputation? Your physical abilities? Your power? Your influence?
I’ve seen all of these things fade. I’ve done home healthcare for over a decade. I’ve seen them all slip away from the hands of men who have shaped their identity out of them.
It may not seem culturally masculine to wonder if you are becoming a dependent man. But the dependence I’m speaking of here is not self-dependent or others-dependent, but dependent on the God who created you, on the God who has shaped your life and directed your steps, on the God who is working and intervening in the circumstances in your life to show you who He is.
Are you paying attention here? Are you watching?
Because life can bring you to the floor. It’ll bring you to places where you will find your knees, where you will realize that your own power is limited and that you need something more.
I know this. For me, I hit a place where I truly needed help. I had to reach out to the only One who could provide exactly what I really needed.
Keep praying. And ask yourself, what am I depending on today?
-Alex Gerber