Respect. Admiration. Gratitude. Closeness. Those are the things I think a lot of men want from the love of a woman.
“What am I getting out of this?” is a common question a man might ask when he is in a relationship. It’s fairly easy to reduce love to a selection of things I would want most. And I know it can also be easy to feel upset when I don’t get what I want or what I think I need.
I’m not saying this question, or any of these things, are wrong to ask or desire, but I think what it can reveal about the direction of our hearts should make us men pay attention.
I think of my relationship with God. I come to Him again and again, asking for something from Him: His help. His strength. His kindness. His grace. And this is good, because He is good! I know He says I can ask Him for whatever I need.
But today I was meditating on Psalm 27:4. And David’s love for God and his greatest desire can’t be more clearly stated:
“The one thing I ask of the Lord—the thing I seek most—is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, delighting in the Lord’s perfections and meditating in His temple.” (NLT)
David wants God—God Himself. His presence, more than anything else. At least from my perspective, more than His strength. More than His wisdom, His power, His refuge, His goodness, His gifts.
The Lord’s presence. Who God is. To be with Him. And really, I think He knows– all of these good things above follow in God’s presence.
If I am honest, I pause here. Can I say the same thing?
As a newly engaged man, this is what makes sense to me: above anything else, I just want to be with my fiance. I want to see her face. I want to be next to her, close to her. I want to walk beside her. I want to talk with her. I just want to be in her presence. It’s the experience of her and who she is. This brings me delight!
And here I think: Isn’t this what God wants from me? My entire heart? Seeking Him? His presence—who He is—longing to talk, and see His face, and just be with Him?
Guys, I know what it is like to not have this desire. I’ve lived apart from the presence of God in my life. He was there, but I didn’t turn to Him. He called me, but I didn’t hear Him. He waited, but I didn’t pursue Him. That was my loss. And it cost me dearly.
But it’s not like this today. And I think—How many guys are where I used to be? How many men are living love out of what they get, and missing out on the joy and delight that can be found simply in the presence of God, and the ones He gives us—our wife, our children, our friends?
Guys, don’t miss this today. For your wife. For your kids. And with God, above all, there’s an opportunity to face love in a way you may have never experienced.
Will you take it?
Moving Forward
To close out on thoughts on love, I’ll ask you this question: what do you want the most?
Loving someone for who they are, not what we get, is a better experience of love than any substitutes.
We can see in the Psalms that David wanted one thing more than anything else– something far better than everything else. But I think this might be where a lot of us guys get stuck. We know God’s presence is supposed to be good, but how do we find and experience it? Lord, How do we come close to You, and find out who You really are?
Start here: Ask Him.
Then pursue Him. Find a space and a place where you can honestly go after Him. And there, draw close to Him—in honesty. In confession.
Draw close to Him—in humility. In dependence. Draw close to Him—and seek Him in His Word.
Just spend time with Him today, in His presence.
My heart has heard you say “Come and talk with me.” and my heart responds “Lord, I am coming.” Psalm 27:8 NLT.
And check out Psalm 27 for more about finding the presence of God, because it’s better than anything else you will ever taste.
-Alex