“Busy.”
Other than “good” or “fine”, I find this to be one of the most common responses when I ask a man how he is doing.
We live in a constant state of “busy-ness”. There’s no end to the work, tasks, and activities in front of us. One day ends, and a new one starts, busy all over again.
But with myself and men, I have been noticing our busiest place is often our own minds. After all, the place we are in the most is our own head. And unfortunately, it’s often no relief to the busyness around us.
It feels hard to find ways to slow our racing thoughts down– hence why, at least in my opinion, a lot of men struggle with stress, anxiety, and poor sleep. Maybe also why a lot of guys feel like they are just “surviving.”
With this mental busyness, our attention spans may decrease. We may listen poorly. We may tune out. We may snap or react. A lot can happen.
The inability to find peace in our own head space is a huge issue. Slowing down the pace of the thoughts rushing through our mind can feel like facing Everest.
So what can we do?
Steps To Quiet The Chaos
After reading through Philippians 4, here is a takeaway process I think might be helpful for you in quieting your mind:
Slow Down. Find a spot that is quiet and undistracted, and sit there (or walk in it).
Pray. Talk with God. Ask him to help; to clarify your thoughts, and focus on what is best. Don’t walk out of this space too quickly.
Capture. Pull the thoughts “out.” You can say or write them down, one by one.
Assess. Are the thoughts racing around true? Do they require action? Can you write them down and move on? Are they helpful? Are they in alignment with what God says or wants for your heart?
Focus. Where are you in your head, and what thoughts are flowing through? Where do you want to go with these? And, are there better things to be dwelling and thinking on?
Thank God for what he has done in your life. Especially when you feel overwhelmed, discouraged, or filled with self-pity.
Reveal what is important, heavy, or significant—to another (trusted) guy. Don’t fight this battle alone.
Move Ahead. If action is needed, outline your next step. If not, let it go and keep walking.
Don’t miss the gratitude and prayer pieces here– they are essential. Remember, this is just a suggested process. I’m not a therapist– there are other strategies your health professional might suggest for you.
Here is one way this has helped me: if I’ve been given some hard feedback from someone close to me who is concerned or hurt by something I’ve done, it’s easy to feel like a failure. I can think, “wow I really blew it again, I’ll always be like this.” In these moments, the swirl of negative thoughts can feel overwhelming. But slowing down, evaluating truth in the situation, and assessing my thoughts while holding them up to the view that I know God has of me– as His beloved child– allows me to begin moving out of my shame.
For me, I’m not trying to shut my mind down and not think. It’s about shifting what I am thinking towards something better. And this process helps with the shift: I get there a little quicker.
Moving Forward
Our minds are busy spaces, and this matters. We are called to guard our thoughts. Thinking less is not the solution– the right kind of thinking is where we want to be heading.
Guys, we are in a battle for our hearts. Let’s fight this together, with God’s help, starting in our minds.
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Verses that encouraged me in writing this were Philippians 4:6–9, NLT: Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.