When I went through my divorce, my world turned upside down. Family– at least as I knew it– came apart. People I laughed with, ate with, and even lived with were no longer present in my life. And living in a city on the East Coast far away from my Midwestern family, I felt alone.
But the disruption didn’t stop there. Divorce brought changes in my church community. Unwillingly, I found myself searching for a new church community, and again, people that would surround me like family. That season felt like wandering alone in the wilderness. At times, I felt that I had nothing to cling to except the hope that God would lead me to another church community that would surround and support me.
He did.
I was not really alone. God had been placing people in my journey for several years, and they became like family to me. I ate with them. I prayed with them. I talked with them. I cried with them. I walked with them. I sat with them. Even though I didn’t fully realize it at the time, God’s grace was growing a larger “family” in my life. He continued to grow it wherever I went.
The season of wandering from one church community to another, and then another, brought fruit that I wouldn’t have imagined: connections, relationships, and people that are still dear to me. People that walked through some of the hardest times of life with me. And while now I may only see them here or there, the bonds remain in my heart. Like family.
As part of a new church community again, I’ve seen relationships growing and deepening and a new family extending. And as part of a local men’s group, I’ve found myself surrounded by brothers.
I would have never imagined that losing those closest to me in divorce could have been followed by something good. To be clear, that loss is never really replaced. It’s still there. It’s painful and it hurts. I still grieve over it. But the family that I’ve found after divorce has overwhelmed me.
How?
So here’s where I get to the point. Because if you’re going through a divorce and wondering how in the world will you make it through and what in the world will your family look like after this, I want you to know this:
I would have nothing apart from grace.
Food, housing, friends, work, family, love, my life itself, is all by God’s grace. I didn’t earn this family because of anything I did, who I was, or by some special talent. On the contrary, I actually started finding a new family at the lowest point of my life, when I had nothing to bring or give in return. I came to this city without family here. Now, my family here keeps growing.
How? Grace. Unearned. Undeserved. Freely given to me.
My family now is not the family I envisioned 10 years ago. I had lived as a man who spent years lacking even a single strong friendship, much less solid community. Now, I am able to enjoy much deeper friendships. The relationships with many of my (biological) family members deepened through the adversity. I’m also engaged and will soon be grafted into a new family. My “family” keeps growing, and I feel rich.
To me, it’s all grace.
Moving Forward
If you find yourself going through divorce, I hope to bring you hope here. I hope to encourage you to look ahead, to stay faithful, keep pursuing God, and Christ-centered community. Don’t walk this alone, for yourself or your children.
But remember this: you can’t really grow it on your own. And knowing this should bring huge comfort, take a weight off your back, and give you hope.
Why?
I know I can’t build it on my own, I can’t strategically invent a new family on my own. Everything I have is from Him. And when I realize and remember that it’s not dependent on me, I can breathe easier. My anxious thoughts can slow down and I can find rest in what He’s doing. His grace is the undercurrent in my life.
The title of this article is misleading, because it wasn’t really divorce that brought me a bigger family. It was God and grace. And the best news? It’s freely available to anyone who wants it.
If you’re not in this place in your life or divorce, I understand. But I want to encourage you to keep looking to see God’s grace showing up in your life.
–Alex Gerber, November 2, 2026