Hey guys, I’ve been thinking about friendship lately. For me, this is definitely an area I have not mastered. Is there actually ever a time when we do? Friendship is complicated, unique, complex, and a beautiful thing. Understanding friendship, I believe, is a critical part of understanding who we are.
I’ve taken some time to explore my own thoughts on what a friend looks like. After each point, there’s a tie-in to a biblical passage, as well as a challenge question. I hope you’ll take the time to read through this, and read through it with curiosity about yourself, wondering: What kind of friend am I?
A big part of the reason I decided to explore this was to take a look at my own weaknesses in showing up as a friend. Sometimes I’m silent. Many times I’m probably more of a know-it-all. Being honest in my own evaluation of how I am showing up in friendship with other guys is really important to me, and I hope that after reading this, you will feel the same.
Here are my thoughts on what “being a friend” can look like…
A friend cares.
“I care about you.”
“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” — Romans 12:10
Challenge: Do the guys I call friends actually know that I care about them?
A friend notices.
“I have seen this…”
“Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” — Philippians 2:4
Challenge: Am I paying enough attention to my friends to notice what is happening in their lives?
A friend is concerned.
“I am concerned…”
“Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” — Galatians 6:2
Challenge: When I see a friend struggling, am I willing to enter into it with him rather than stand at a distance?
A friend is humble.
“I may not be seeing the whole picture…”
“Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.” — Proverbs 18:13
Challenge: Can I acknowledge that what I see may be real while also admitting that I may not understand the whole story?
A friend is open.
“Correct me where I may be wrong.”
“Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.” — Proverbs 27:6
Challenge: When I correct a friend, am I just as ready to let him correct me?
A friend listens.
“Can you help me understand?”
“You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” — James 1:19
Challenge: Am I listening because I really want to understand my friend, or am I listening for a chance to make my own point?
A friend warns.
“I don’t think that will be good.”
“An open rebuke is better than hidden love! Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.” — Proverbs 27:5-6 and “The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.” — Proverbs 27:9
Challenge: Do I care enough about my friend to warn him when I truly believe he is moving toward something harmful or destructive?
A friend corrects.
“Hey brother—that’s not right.”
“If another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path.” — Galatians 6:1
Challenge: If and when correction is necessary, can I speak clearly while remaining gentle and humble?
A friend stays in.
“I’m here for you.”
“A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.” — Proverbs 17:17
Challenge: Am I a friend who remains present when friendship becomes difficult, inconvenient, or costly?
A friend knows his place.
“This is yours—your decisions, choices, and consequences—not mine to carry.”
“For we are each responsible for our own conduct.” — Galatians 6:5
Challenge: Can I deeply care about another guy’s choices without trying to control him or take responsibility for consequences that belong to him?
A friend loves.
“I may not agree, but I still love you.”
“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” — 1 Corinthians 13:7
Challenge: Can my friend disagree with me, disappoint me, or reject my advice and still experience real love from me?
A friend encourages.
“I see these good things in you, brother…”
“So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.” — 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Challenge: Do my friends hear me noticing what is good in them as quickly as they hear me say what concerns me?
Moving Forward
I don’t know about you, but I want to be a better friend. I really care about my friends, but honestly, sometimes I feel like I just don’t know how to be a good friend. I wonder if any of you ever feel this way?
But, perhaps asking these questions and evaluating myself is part of the process. And maybe becoming a good friend takes some practice.
I’d love to hear your thoughts, and get back to you on them.
-Alex Gerber
