What do I live for?
If I am really honest with you, I want your attention.
Lurking under much of what I do, I hope to have my back patted. I hope to be noticed. I want recognition. There is a part of me that is always screaming “Look at me!”
I want to be important. And, I want to do things my way to get this. You see, my own desire for fulfillment in the recognition from others is deeply rooted. My motivation to win your approval clings to my soul. And I can’t seem to shake this, no matter how hard I try or how badly I want to.
Because I am a proud man. A man in desperate need of help. A man whose heart needs to change—to be reshaped and transformed.
Brokenness stripped away what I thought was mine, and began to reveal what was hidden inside.
Have you ever been broken? Have you ever felt like you have lost it all? If you have, and in that received something, you might understand what I am about to say.
Nothing I have is my own. Nothing I have is mine to cling onto. Nothing on this earth is really mine. I didn’t earn it. I didn’t produce it. And all of my hard work doesn’t give me the right to it. Because “it” is all a gift. It can slip away in a second. I can go to bed, and it can be gone tomorrow.
Everything I have… everything I hold… is God’s. It is an opportunity, a gift. And I want to handle it well.
Even approval from others—the thing I most deeply crave—is not my own. It belongs to God.
Do you understand? Is there some part of you that says, “I hear you, but you don’t understand. I built this. I earned it. I worked my ass off for it. It’s mine.”
Is there some part of you that says, “Hey, I deserve to be recognized. I really did do good things.” And maybe you did.
But for me…the hidden man says constantly, “It’s yours. Don’t let go. Don’t give it away.”
For me, it is so much more challenging to silently do good, do the right thing, whether anyone sees or not. Because in the depth of my hidden man is a man who wants to be noticed.
I need new desires. New motives. I need to understand who really sees me–who truly notices me. And whose attention matters more than anyone else, including yours.
Jesus, help me.
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